For a long time I lived in the future, waiting for a shortcut. I read more productivity books than is healthy. In the end I realised the answers aren't in the chapters, they're in what I do every day.
Here's the whole story. Including the shortcut I spent so long looking for.
My values
Almost nothing is so serious that it can't be taken lightly.
My defence against autopilot. Looking under the hood of things that “just are”.
Lying to yourself is exhausting work that leads nowhere.
Being willing to admit things might be different from how I see them right now.
Genuine joy when someone pulls something off. It's amazing what we've done as people.
My story
Ever since I was little, I wanted one thing: to function like a normal person. But the harder I tried, the less it worked. Everyone else seemed to know what to do with their lives. I didn't. The feeling was always there. Quiet, in the background, like something I didn't want to admit.
So I tried things. I wrote music. Launched online shops. Organised festivals. I read mountains of books, tested frameworks and apps. I changed direction so many times I started to feel like a fraud. And through all of it, I secretly hoped someone would come and save me.
The problem wasn't that I didn't know what I wanted. The problem was that I lived in the future.
I didn't want to see the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be. That gap paralysed me. Instead of taking one small step, I waited for a miracle to carry me across. In the end, it led me to therapy.
My therapist kept telling me the same thing: “Your life is a mosaic. You have a great picture of how it should look. Now you have to start putting it together. Day by day.”
I hated it. I wanted a shortcut. But I had nothing left to lose, all my previous strategies had failed anyway. So I tried it. Mostly to prove to her that it didn't work.
And then something strange happened.
The moment I admitted the gap was there, I started making my biggest progress. Not because I found a better system. Because I finally started actually doing things. I started making important decisions on time. I started finishing things.
All my life I ran from “normal”. The irony is that accepting ordinary, everyday life gave me more than years of chasing something exceptional. I'm still on the way, but one thing I know for sure: I want to explore how to live a life actually lived.
